Tuesday, 23 August 2011

personal sabotage?

Soo, in April, I started seeing a guy, 1st time in over 3 years for me, not through lack of attention, but through 'choice' -lack of self esteem, time, babysitters etc....
He is from my area, but stayed in America, and went back as planned. I did not expect him to call, but 3 weeks later he did, then he called at least once a week, one of these calls, he said he was coming back, just had to sell some of his stuff, but that he was coming home.
Since he arrived, I've seen him at least 3 times a week, he works long hours, wants to see me all-the-time... he always compliments me - 'ur beautiful, ur funny, ur gorgeous, u smell great' almost always followed by 'I really like u, I love spending time with u' etc, etc....
I stay at his when I finish work 2 nites a week, as its the only time we really have together, and yes, most of that time is spent asleep.
He comes to mine one night a week, I don't allow him to stay as he has only met my son 3 times so far, and I don't think its fair on son for him to come into my bed and find a guy their.
My problem is I don't feel he is being honest with me, I find myself reading his texts and muttering 'bullshit'.
I can't help it. I question in my head everything that we do or say.
I don't really understand why I do it. When I am with him, I'm the happiest I've ever been in any relationship. I'm comfy around him, I can be me. I haven't held back, scared I'll scare him away if I say something stupid or disagreeable

So why do I not really believe him? I don't get it.
Am I subconsciously trying to sabotage this?
I hope not, as I can see us growing old together, but not if I keep this up.
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Saturday, 20 August 2011

Miss Turtle

Here is Miss Turtle, for Lucy Elizabeth, given as a christening present.
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square 2

I knew I would not have enough wool to do same as square 1, so tried a fancy granny square, my first time doing long stitches. It is 1 or 2 rows short :(
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square 1

This is square 1 of the new blanket.
38 chain
Sc, ch1
That is all.
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lovely day...

It's been a miserable week weather wise, and today, when I'm feeling soo horrible , it is lovely... really should get the grass cut, but after eating that steak sandwich, which was covered in a creamy pepper sauce, I'm ill.

I've started a new blanket, trying to use up all my wool so I can justify buying more hehe, but I don't have much in the same colours or even same thickness....
I'll see how I go about adding pictures via the mobile so I can show u.

Have got spaghetti bolognaise cooking away in the slow cooker for tomorrows dinner, was going to be for tonight, but I don't think it will be ready in time.
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Wednesday, 17 August 2011

mobile connection.

Just testing if this works from the fone, if so, I have a few posts to be doing!
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