I asked him to move in.
What prompted this?
It has been on my mind on n off for a long while, but more so a lot lately. He moved in with his parents as the flat he had was a nightmare to heat, his gas bills ran up to £800 last winter, and winter wasn't anywhere near as bad as the year before, or as bad as predicated for this year.
So, he lives with his parents, he works with them and his sister. She is always in the house, with her three kids. Who do not respect rules very well (they are nice kids, just a bit erm, independent, head strong, good qualities you like if u are hiring a 'go getter', just not what u expect from a 3, 5 and 7 year old, seems like they have been given management qualities instead of growing to learn them, luckily they have great little personalities or they would be the kind of kids you wouldn't want your child playing with.). He has no space to call his own. He is the kind of person who NEEDS his space, needs his stuff not to ne touched, moved, taken away to be left discarded and forgotten about. He needs his privacy. He doesn't get that in his parents house.
He has been their for around 8 weeks now, I hear the difference in him.
He sounds; deflated.
I'm not saying living at mine is going to be much easier for him. But at least at the end of a hard day (they are all hot headed and arguments can start over the smallest of things, they end quickly too) he will know that he can come home to a somewhat quieter area, not so much a sanctuary, or even tranquil house, but a calm house.
We went in town and got keys cut, one for £5.50, two for £8 or three for £10, so we got 2 for his parents house and I got 1 for mine, as a spare.
Walking through town I jokingly gave him the key to mine, saying I would rather he had it than my mum, he said it would get confused with the other two new ones.
We went for lunch at this great wee cafe I found a few weeks back, soup n a sandwich for £2.25 to take away! Whilst munching on a spicy chicken sandwich, that temporary left me with no taste buds, I asked him to move in.
First response was "But I'm not divorced yet"
I don't let him stay as he is married (for a visa in America). He said last October that he would get divorced as I don't want to have a relationship with someone who is married. So our relationship has always been a little fecked up due to the way I feel about that.
Anyway, he explained that his divorce hasn't been paid for to get the papers sent over to sign yet. Something to do with money he is owed in America needing to be reissued in his wife's name so she can cash the cheque, pay for the lawyer to send the papers over and proceed with it.
For the rest of the shopping trip, we sort of talked/joked about him moving in. I think he now realises I am not joking. So big talk due this week. I dropped him off at his sisters house, where I know he will talk about this, to her, then his parents.
I suppose this is where we find out how committed to us he is, as this would require him to pay his way in here, and as he isn't earning much just now, would mean he wouldn't be able to save a deposit for his own mortgaged house. But in doing that, we would effectively have more to spend in my house, pay it off quicker (as I'll only have half the bills to pay, thus me over paying my mortgage) then we can concentrate on a 2nd house that we either rent out or move into and rent out mine. Currently I have abt 14 years left on my mortgage, so thinking this way, we could have it paid off between 7-10 years. But that is me being ever optimistic haha.