Wednesday, 2 December 2009

arghh my God! Who am I?

I dont recognise myself anymore...

Its just a bit crap that I was unable to lose any weight for this (Club Noir, see prev post)  :( i reallly did try as well, increasing my steps each day, going on the wii fit a few times a week, even joined a stupid slimming group (or as i call it, fat club) Scottish Slimmers, is not doing anything for me, and its really getting me down, I hate looking in the mirror, I hate getting undressed, I hate being naked! I no longer recognise my self, its horrible! whats even more horrible is this is the only 'mum' my son knows, yes he loves me no matter what, but this is not who his mum really is!  His Mum is a UK size 12 or curvy 10, but since last year my wieght has went from a 12/14 to around/over a 20! I am disgusting! I am disgusted with myself! I cant believe I have let myself get this bad! God Dam Depression and its horrible hold over your energy, your zest for life, instead I've been 'just surviving' for over a year, but in past 2 to 3 months that has been changing, I do still have my horrible days/weeks, but the good are now outweighing the bad.
Anyways, back to this crappy fat club, its not working out, so think im going to save my money, and go to my Dr and see if they will help me.

I should point out that I did lose a stone and a half during August and mid September, but I've been stuck ever since!

This pic was taken 2 weeks into 2009 im a size 14 here, a small but curvy size 14 I might add,
This was taken start of April 2009, a big 16?

At a wedding in October 2009

Just that week I realised size 18s where just fitting and no more! And this is after I lost the stone and a half! so feck knows what size I actually went up to!

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