Friday, 13 December 2013

A miss mash of thoughts

Read this this morning, and it hit home at how I was acting last night that I am ashamed of myself.

Last night Lyle told me he did not want to write a letter to santa. I insisted he go and finish the letter that I wrote and all he has to do is copy it and we can send it. He doesn't want to, so I told him no letter = no presents.
Now I have said it, I need to stick with it, don't I?
 He was upset as he tried to copy the letter. Once dinner was made I told him to leave it, but not after he had seen how dissapointed I was, even though I tried not to show it, and I tried to encourage him with saying how great his writing was etc. After dinner the plan was for him to finsh the letter and then we could watcha  film together, instead as I was already annoyed with myself, we both didn't bring up The Letter and instead we watched Snow Dogs.

My reasons for needing this letter? To practice his handwriting away from school/homework. And I would like a memento of his first letter to Santa that he writes for himself.

My first reason is valid, He needs the practice,  and its hard for me to help him in other ways away from homework, as he is learning in Gaelic, and my Gaelic is not too good. In fact it is piss pot poor.
Second reason is that I am selfish. And somewhere in the back of my head, I do have that 'I am the mother and what I say goes' attitude that I do fight with every single moment of the day. I have noticed that the more time apart we have, the more louder that voice becomes.

When I see him tomorrow I am going to find an reason for him to not send a letter (and still believe in Santa) and I will apologise to him.

Today, the First this week, we were late for school.
I turned down the light on the clock and it wasn't bright enough to wake us up. my mobile alarm has stopped going when I set it to. It did go, but the one that tells me we should be brushing our teeth and getting ready to head out the door, not still in bed.
I had been feeling a bit brighter this week, and I have been putting it down to the new alarm clock. I am getting to bed at a reasonable time of between 10 and 11 pm, go me!, and then waking up gradually and I do feel a lot better for it. (I am still a grump though. And seem to be very grumpy around dinner time) Today I have been 'groggy'.
Tomorrow I am going to test the clock without sound. If I wake complete on my own from jsut the light then I will be using only the light, as it is the noises that make me want to turn it off.

Advent for us was to do some 3-d snowflakes. After my disaster of approach t oThe Letter, I just didn't mention anything else. the ELf on the other hand, coloured all our milk Green and Lyle refused to eat his cereal this morning.

Also the cat was sick in the bathroom. 

Checked my bank balance today, we have been paid a little early, so this balance is not what is going to be staying in my bank, but it certainly feels good. And it is a massive achievement for me. Especially when just a few short years ago I lived in my overdraught and it never got any closer to zero than minus 500 pounds. So how much do I have today? Just over £1000. Glad that Christmas spending is done :) (apart from 2 presents, both budgeted for and just needing to get to the shops for.)


  1. I struggle with that voice too. It's awful. Sometimes we just have to go back and apologize, like you said.

    Well done on the bank balance!! My New Year's Resolution is to start saving like a boss. I want my savings account to look awesome by next December. :)

  2. Thanks Lori, the bank balance is a major achievement. It never stays that high after all the direct debits come out, but living frugally since I went to uni, and living on less than £1 a day, in an overdraft that added charges, to now living slightly longer than month to month, is amazing! :)

    I don't mind the apologising, but its when I am apologizing for the same things, and I have in the past said something along the lines of if u are getting into trouble for the same thing then its just laziness , turn that round to me and its the same, apart from him not giving me into trouble. My main fear us that he will stop believing I'm AM sorry.